A Full Night's Sleep

Let me start off by saying that my 6 year old, Zoe, has always...ALWAYS been a good sleeper.  Our family does co-sleep - and I'm not looking to debate that.  It has just worked for our family.  Neither A or I drink alcohol to excess and VERY rarely even drink alcohol when our children are present, and we are not drug users.  We are always aware of what's going on and it's just worked for us.  Zoe slept with us for the first 6
months of her life.  At that point, we tried her in her crib one night and ever since then she's been sleeping on her own, goes to sleep by herself....always napped good when she took a nap.  She's a sleeping superstar.

Monkey is a different story.  Maybe it was because we sorta knew she would be our last child.  I don't know - but I got in the habit when she was just an itty bitty of rocking her to sleep.  There have been some people who have had the guts to tell me that doing that is "wrong" and that I'd "spoil" her.  Spoil?  Personally I believe that snuggling with our children is important - for all of us.  It unifies the family bond.  Did she get used to me rocking her to sleep?  Yes, she did.  I kind of knew she would - I mean, that's all she ever knew, so of course it makes sense.  Did it get taxing sometimes?  Yes.  But I don't regret one minute of it.  I would rock her to sleep each night and I would place her in her pack & play in our room (she always HATED her beautiful crib) and she'd sleep there about half the night.  Then she'd awaken and we'd put her in bed with us.  We got our ummm.... "couple" time and she got her snuggle time later on.  Everyone was happy.

She transitioned to a toddler bed when she was 14 months old.  From the first night, I sat with her until she fell asleep.  Yes, I guess I "spoiled" her in this way too, but I figure there are worse things in the world than "having to" watch your child fall asleep each night while holding her hand.  While I got Monkey to sleep, A would snuggle with Zoe, or vice-versa (the girls share a room).  At some point in the middle of the night, Monkey would wake up, open her bedroom door and wait at the bottom of the stairs for me to come and get her.

Until three nights ago.  She's got a sticker chart for good behavior and the completion of chores.  I explained to her that big girls like Zoe sleep in their big girl beds all night long, and if she'd like to try that, she'd be rewarded with a sticker each morning.  She was very excited.  That first night (and the next), when she woke up in the night, she called for me, but didn't get up to come to our bed.  I tucked her back in and sat with her a minute and she slept through the rest of the night in her bed.  And then last night - she didn't wake up and slept clear through the night.  I have never been so refreshed.  And I am proud of Monkey's efforts.

Do I think I made a mistake rocking her to sleep and bringing her to our bed in the middle of the night when she woke up?  No.  I don't regret one night of it.  Not one.

A and I are raising a couple of headstrong, independent, loving, cuddly girls.  And I think that's the way it should be.

Why?

As the mother of a 2 1/2 year old, I get asked "Why?" about 140 times on a daily basis.  Look, don't get me wrong.  I'm delighted that she's inquisitive, and wants to know more about the world around her and how it works.  But after about the zillionth time, (confession time:) I just want to say, "Because mommy knows everything and you should just take my word for it."

I get that developmentally she's at the age where she just wants to know the reasoning behind things.  That's a good thing.  But it can wear on your nerves for sure.  For the most part, I try to be patient with her and explain how things are working or the reasoning behind what she's asking about.  But sometimes, just sometimes, "Why?" makes me want to hide in the corner for about 20 minutes to just chill out.

Oh, and also, I hear "Hey Mommy" about 9,000 times each day. 

Fashion?

I had considered throwing this blog away.  Many times, in fact.  I blog a lot on my weight loss related blog but this one - I don't know.  I've never been quite sure if it gelled or not.  But sometimes, you just have to write.

Zoe is 6.  She's much more "girly" than I've ever been in my whole life.  Things like outfits matching and looking right matter to her.  Her hair has to be just "so."  She cares very much about how her peers perceive her.  I just don't get it.  I can't sympathize with her because I don't get what all the fuss is about.  However, that being said, I do empathize with her and try to hear her frustrations and help her work them through.  But (confession time:) I often have NO IDEA what to say to her.  My first reaction is usually, "How can this be so important?"  But in reality, though it's nothing to me, and something I know nothing about, it's EVERYTHING to her at that moment in time.

So what do I do?  Sometimes I seek the help of others.  Often, though, I just support her with kind words or offer her options when she has 6,000 reasons why she can't wear anything in her closet or dresser.  It's not easy. AT. ALL.  As time goes on, I'm hoping my patience with this will pay off.

Please let it pay off!

Tears for school

I don't know what to do .Zoe  is 6 and has always loved school. Last year in Pre-K there was no trouble about her going to school. She looked forward to it every day. That's the way it's been this year, too.....until after Christmas break. Then her tummy started to hurt a lot. Her anxiety level has shot up. She cries every morning before school. She upsets herself so much about it that she's splotchy when she goes to school from crying.

I've tried to explain to her that sometimes we have to do things that maybe we don't want to. She says she just wants to stay home with me (she's always been home with me). A and I did find out that a friend she's had since she was too tiny to walk has found a new friend and is playing with someone else. The friend is not excluding Zoe, but Zoe's a little jealous of the new friendship.

What bothers me the most is that I don't want her to inherit my social awkwardness. I'm no good at small talk. I'm honestly no good at making friends. I get scared I'll say the wrong thing or that someone won't like me (yeah, I've got some issues). But when Zoe's with me, I try to push those things aside to be an example for her that such things are not scary.

I just don't know what to do to help her. We've had snow days the past 2 days and having her home was wonderful but certainly didn't help with her anxiety.

I guess I'm just muddling through this the best I can.

I've missed my cute little blog....

Did you ever have guilt for being guilty? I saw this poor blog just sitting there, minding it's own business and not making much of a fuss. It takes the back seat to my main blog .. Goodbye, Fat Girl! and this little blog doesn't complain. I've contemplated giving this blog up. Just deleting it would be easy. But I consider this blog The Little Blog That Could. If I just give it a little attention now and then, it really DOES think it can (be something cool).

So I've been feeling a little guilty for not having tended this cute little blog, so I went ahead and made a new banner for it.

I've got to tell you though, my 2 year old is testing the limits of her momma's patience. I get a lot of "NO" screamed at me and she's in full-fledged pushing other people around mode. I'm pretty lucky that her older sister doesn't push or hit back. But I know Monkey (the younger of the 2) is just carving out her place in the family and the only way she knows how to do that right now is by force and defiance. It's up to A and I to teach her differently. But holy crap can that be a hard job sometimes.

She'll be better by the age of 3, right?

Sometimes, I Just Want 12 MInutes

Wouldn't 12 minutes alone be, dare I say, heavenly? I mean, a person can only listen to so much screaming, wipe so many butts, mend so many broken hearts, and cook so many batches of macaroni and cheese before she NEEDS really ought to take something crazy like a whole dozen minutes to herself.

Then you know what happens? After I tell my kids that Mommy has to go potty and then lock myself in the bathroom for the aforementioned 12 minutes, I start to feel guilty. Shouldn't I be out there relishing every single moment with them? Somewhere in my brain I say YES! I completely should be. There will be a point in time when they won't want to look at my face, let alone have me read a book to them or snuggle on my lap.

And I DO want to do all those things. But sometimes, somewhere in the back of my head, I just want to be alone for a few minutes. With silence.

My Job

Did I mention I'm a licensed in-home childcare provider? I decided on this profession (for the time being) so that I didn't have to put my own children in daycare and although Blue Man has a pretty great job, his income wouldn't cover our expenses so I couldn't be "just" a stay-at-home mom. This is sort of the best of both worlds at times, and a pain in the royal ass at others.

My kids seem to always come second. Which sucks.

There's a lot of mayhem.

I kind of wish I could have my house back (instead of having our "extra" bedroom - that should be Puppy's room) as the daycare / teaching room).

While I love kids, other people's screaming children aren't always as charming as you'd think they'd be.

Also, sometimes I wish I could take a nap.